All That You Can't Leave Behind
by Patricia Emy
Summary: Scully's thoughts on the events of "Trust No 1".


Author: Patricia Emy  
E-mail: patricia_emy@yahoo.com  
Spoilers: Trust No 1, Nothing Important Happened Today  
Category: Vignette, Post-Episode, Scully POV  
Rating: G  
Disclaimer: Fox Mulder, Dana Scully and all the other characters belong to Chris   
Carter, 1013 Productions and 20th Century Fox. No infringement of any copyright   
laws is intended. And, just for the record, English is not my first language so   
there may be some mistakes. Let me know if you find any.  
  
  
Summary: Scully's thoughts on the events of "Trust No 1".   
  
  
  
All That You Can't Leave Behind  
  
  
"They're watching."  
  
  
GEORGETOWN, WASHINGTON, DC.  
DANA SCULLY'S APARTMENT  
9:37 P.M.  
  
It's hard to believe that it's been only a few months. I feel as if you had left   
a long time ago, even though the memories remain alive in my mind. Sometimes it   
feels like a nightmare, and it's as if all I had to do was wake up and   
everything would come back to normal. Every morning I open my eyes and, for a   
brief moment, I believe.   
  
Then I remember.   
  
The suitcases and duffel bags waiting on the floor, William's cry, the unshed   
tears in that last exchange of looks, the good-bye.   
  
The phone rings, breaking the silence. William stirs but doesn't seem to wake up   
from his sleep. I close the door before heading to the living room.   
  
Doggett.  
  
He asks me if I'm fine.  
  
The question brings an involuntary smile to my face. I remember the countless   
times you had asked me that same question. The pain of that memory makes the   
smile fade away. I answer. We both know it's a lie. For my relief, he doesn't   
insist and changes the subject, talking about the case he and Reyes are working   
on.   
  
I try to listen to what he has to say but my thoughts are too far away. We   
exchange a few more words and, after I promised to take a look at the coroner's   
report the next day, I hung up.   
  
A week had passed and nothing had been found about the man who was killed on   
that train station. Like he said, his name was false, his records forged. He   
didn't exist, just like the ones he worked for. Patty, his wife, had also   
disappeared without a trace after that night and now I fear for her safety and   
for her daughter's. At the same time, I think she had made the right decision   
when she left, although I have my doubts whether she will succeed on keeping   
herself away from the surveillance of those men with no faces and no names.   
  
As for myself, there's nothing I can do but wait. At that same night, all the   
wiring and cameras in my apartment were removed - courtesy of Byers, Langly and   
Frohike - but the feeling of being watched remained.   
  
Nothing will ever be the same.   
  
When I think of what they had done to me, I could never imagine how far they   
would go. They violated my body, my mind and, now, this.   
  
That mysterious man had made me question something I refused to face. The truth   
behind the miracle of the birth of my son and the events that led to your   
departure to an unknown destination.   
  
However, I could hardly see his true intentions. He claimed to know all about us   
and involved me with his lies entangled with small truths. Ignoring all my   
instincts, I trusted him. I wanted to see you so bad that I only realized my   
mistake when it was too late.  
  
A man died.   
  
And I almost lost you, once more.  
  
I look at the computer screen. The mailbox remains empty.  
  
We know it's no longer safe.  
  
They're watching.   
  
All that I can do now is wait. For any clue, for anything that helps me to   
bring you back.   
  
Until then, all that we have are memories.  
  
All that we can't leave behind.   
  
  
END  
  
  
Author's note: This story was written after I had listened to a U2 song. I   
couldn't help thinking of Mulder and Scully back then. This music has also   
inspired the title of this story. The lyrics are reproduced below.   
  
  
Walk On  
Performed by U2  
Album: All That You Can't Leave Behind  
  
And love is not the easy thing  
The only baggage that you can bring  
Love, not the easy thing   
The only baggage you can bring  
Is all that you can't leave behind  
  
And if the darkness is to keep us apart  
And if the daylight feels like it's a long way off  
And if your glass heart should crack  
And for a second you turn back  
Oh no, be strong  
  
Walk on  
Walk on  
What you got, they can't steal it  
No they can't even feel it  
  
Walk on  
Walk on  
Stay safe tonight  
  
You're packing a suitcase for a place  
None of us has been  
A place that has to be believed  
To be seen  
  
You could have flown away  
A singing bird  
In an open cage  
Who will only fly  
Only fly for freedom  
  
Walk on  
Walk on  
What you got  
You can't deny it  
Can't sell it or buy it  
  
Walk on  
Walk on  
You stay safe tonight  
  
And I know it aches  
How your heart it breaks  
You can only take so much  
  
Walk on  
Walk on  
  
Home  
Hard to know what it is  
If you never had one  
  
Home  
I can't say where it is  
But I know I'm going  
  
Home  
That's where the hurt is  
  
And I know it aches  
And your heart it breaks  
You can only take so much  
Walk on  
  
Leave it behind  
You've got to leave it behind  
  
All that you fashion  
All that you make  
All that you build  
All that you break  
  
All that you measure  
All that you feel  
All this you can leave behind  
  
All that you reason  
All that you care  
  
It's only time  
And I'll never fill up all I find  
  
All that you sense  
All that you scheme  
All you dress up  
And all that you see  
  
All you create  
All that you wreck  
All that you hate  
  
(fading) 


End file.
